September 22, 2011
Just A Cut On The Lip

"You look tired, George. Late night?"

"I guess you could say that. Leslie and I got into it pretty bad over something stupid and I ended up sleeping on the couch. I’m beginning to think that woman has completely lost her mind, I tell you. She’s becoming her damned mother, you know? Know what she did? There I was in the bathroom, shaving my face knowing I would have an early start today, and she’s lying in bed, talking about something I can’t remember now and getting louder and louder and louder by the minute. So she’s talking and I suddenly cut my lip with the razor. It didn’t hurt, really. In fact, I didn’t feel much of anything, but the damned lip wouldn’t quit bleeding no matter what I did to try and stop it. I put my head in the sink and let cold water run over it for awhile, but that didn’t help. I pinched it until I thought my whole lip would turn white, but as soon as I let go it would start up again. And of course I tried putting some toilet paper over it, but it turned into an unmanageable, soggy mess. Meanwhile, Leslie is still going on and on about the same thing she’d been going on about before. Finally I say to her, ‘Would you mind keeping your voice down while I try to keep from bleeding to death?’ She stops talking, comes into the bathroom and helps me stop the bleeding with some kind of cream she keeps in the medicine cabinet. It was actually quite sweet and I thought I’d be going to bed in a very nice mood, but as I sat up against my pillow and began to read a few pages of my book she turned to me with a serious look on her face and says, ‘You cut your lip on purpose, didn’t you? You cut yourself on the lip so you could change the subject and not have to answer any of my questions. Am I right?’ Needless to say, I looked at her with one of those looks, you know what I mean? We screamed at each other for a few minutes until I got tired of it and went downstairs and slept on the couch. You believe that, Mack?"

"Did you get any blood on the couch?"

"I don’t think I did. Leslie had it patched up pretty good and the sofa I slept on has very dark upholstery."

  1. shortstoriesbybradley posted this